15 March 2013

Counting my blessings {while Spring-cleaning my Drafts folder}

I'm a prolific blogger. That is, if you count the amount of saved drafts in my drafts folder. I regularly write a post in a flurry with a view to coming back to it to edit and publish. I never, ever, do. Until now. One post a week until that draft folder is empty. At the time I wrote the post below I felt it needed more. More substance, more heart, more words. But actually, after reading it back tonight, I can see that the rawness is all that matters. I should have posted this immediately after writing it....


Becoming a mother has changed me. Sounds obvious right? Well, yeah, but becoming a mother has fundamentally changed me, irrevocably, permanently.

I've felt for a long time that I wanted to do something meaningful with my life and when I became pregnant I knew that this wish had become even more important because I want my children to have a mother to be proud of. Being a mother is massively meaningful and very very satisfying, but it isn't enough to make my son proud.I need to do more.

Tonight is Red Nose Day and I'm sat watching Comic Relief as i have for many years prior to 2013. It's always a tough watch. Seeing children in severe poverty and distress is never going to be a comfortable watch but this year I have a totally new perspective. Now I'm a mother. I have a child of my own and suddenly I can feel, share and practically touch their pain. It just takes one second of hearing a child with malaria or pneumonia crying out for help to know I absolutely MUST do something.

I've donated money but its not enough. I do not feel comfortable knowing that this amount of pain is rife in the world. My money helps. God does it help. The money I have donated will provide enough vaccinations to protect at least a handful of children and that is amazing beyond words. Anything any of us can give is incredible and its worth the uncomfortable viewing and many-a-tear shed but still I feel I should be doing more. I just don't know what. There's only so much money I personally can donate but I feel totally compelled to do something to make a difference. I need to put some serious time and effort into thinking about how I can make a long-lasting difference to this cause.

But one thing I can be certain of, and that is that I can count, and count again my blessings. For they are plentiful. To be blessed with this life and this supremely awesome (and pretty privileged) child of mine is my life made whole. To know that the extent of our complaints reaches to "I'm exhausted" and "I wish we had a bigger house"..well, they're hardly complaints at all.

Time to count my blessings and crack on with finding a real, and tangible way to help.


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