20 December 2011

whingy wednesdays

This week has been tough. Not specifically pregnancy related, more likely to do with sheer exhaustion. I am officially ready for the Christmas break. Here are a few other contributing factors to my deathly bad mood this week -

*maternity underwear* I decided that I couldn't wait till new year before I invested in some new bras. I'd had a growth spurt and was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. Off I headed to Marks & Spencer's to be fitted properly, like a good pregnant woman does. I was handed a multitude of depressing bras, of which none fit. Finally I settled on a plain, dull and rather drab number that I thought would do to see me through Christmas. I was then informed by the assistant that I was leaving with a 34G bra. I walked in wearing a 32D! I met my husband after and cried. Not only was I wearing a parachute, I was wearing a hella ugly one, in the biggest size they offered. Where the hell was I to go from here with another 3 or so months of growth left in these badboys? To say I was depressed is an understatement. Thankfully my boy came to my rescue and purchased a few options from the much more pregnancy friendly figleaves.com. I'm pleased to say I'm now a much more manageable 34E -though bra shopping will never hold the same charm for me again as it did pre pregnancy.

*fading into the background* there's a good few months until I'm due to leave work but I already feel like I'm fading into the background. I don't know if I'm participating in the development of this but I do feel like people are beginning to forget about me already. It's a strange, melancholy feeling.

*stretch marks* I can feel my skin getting ready to rip. There's no real sign of damage as yet but my sides itch like hell and a can't get the cream in thick enough or fast enough to ease it. I'm preparing for the arrival of Mr & Mrs Stretchmarks any day now.

*restless legs* restless everything. Sleep has once again become disturbed, this time by restless or numb legs, achy ribs, sore belly a full bladder or a slightly over-zealous husband searching for cuddles (and being quite prepared to accept them from my pregnancy pillow). I'm waving goodbye to my sleep, round two.

*baby kicks* don't just occur in the stomach. That's all I need say there, except for boy does a kick of this kind startle you.

*2011* I'm just over this year. Except for the Christmas part, the rest can just do one already. I'm exceptionally tired, grumpy and ready for some respite. Thankfully mb and I are taking a little mini cruise to Bruges between Xmas and new year to recharge and chill. Shame I can't endulge in my favourite beverage while I'm there; Belgian beer.

*computers* my mac appears to have died a death. Fucking great.

Picture: portrait of myself by my delightful husband.


12 December 2011

whingy wednesdays

image from here via pinterest 

here we are again with another very late-in-the-day whingy wednesday.  it's getting harder each week to find something to whinge about as i'm truly beginning to enjoy this pregnancy now. and what with christmas a mere 11 days away i'm brimming with excitement. i cant tell you how ready scrobble and i are for a few mince-pie-fuelled days off.

still i dont like to disappoint so i've rumbled up a few complaints from the depths of my christmas spirit:

*long distance friends* - all my best girlies live a variety of unmanageable distances away. from my girl in leeds who's gallavanting around vietnam with her new husband, to my girl over the top of the pennines with her sweet and inspirational family to my brit girl MOH currently residing [and working her ass off] in denmark. they're all so far away. and i do not get to see them half as much as i would like.

sharing my first pregnancy has been an experience i've been dying to share with them all and it's so difficult when the distances we are from each other really impact how often we get to see each other.

it's quickly coming up to a year since i saw my friend hazel in denmark and recent bad news implies that it's going to be some time till i see her again. we'll probably have our child here with us by then and in my book that aint sharing this experience at all. it's totally freakin bypassing it. it makes me sad but there aint nothin i can do about it but get on with it. i just know that when scrobble does arrive things will be just that bit harder still to get out there and see my girls. 

*underwear* you know your body is changing beyond recognition when your knickers dont fit over your hips anymore. sure i knew things would grow. i knew my trousers, tops and bras would need upgrading to allow for developments but my knickers, my KNICKERS. i had not considered this to be a potential threat. foolishly.

*the return of the dreaded tiredness* it could be my body winding down for christmas or it could be baby telling me to take it easy but boy am i tired again. i'm still having very restless nights sleep and the weight of my increasing uterus is evermore present at night when i fall onto my back in my slumber. it's so much harder than it sounds sleeping on your side. all. the. time. i wake up often with a very peculiar sensation in my legs and stomach that is really impossible to describe, other than to say it feels wrong. your body is clever enough to wake you to tell you to shift over, it just renders you knackered in the process.


getting to grips with my wardrobe

image from here via pinterest


finally! i'm beginning to get to grips with my wardrobe. i went through a totally awkward phase where i was neither thin, pregnant nor fat but with huge mammaries. a difficult physique to dress, or so i thought. i was in denial about the size of my belly but really want to emphasize it as otherwise i just felt frumpy and pretty miserable.

it took many a trip to the shopping mall to get it right. but eventually i did. i ended up coming away with a selection a stretchy items that have room for me to grow into, rather than totally-horrendously-ill-fitting maternity wear. i genuinely dont think i'll be wearing maternity trousers until i reach 7 months or so....[we'll see how that plan transpires].

skirts and stretchy dresses and belts are by far my favourite combo. easy to put together and, more importantly, comfortable. no pregnant woman wants to look like she feels but she CERTAINLY does not want to be uncomfortable. your tiny baby wont allow it.

my advice to any woman struggling with their pregnancy wardrobe;

  • jersey, jersey jersey. 
  • forget maternity tops - FORGET them. waste of money. truly. there's so many loose fit tops and blouses out there that you can wear for the duration - they literally aren't worth the investment.
  • hold off wearing maternity trousers as long as you can - they fit and feel weird. you're better off with dresses.
  • belts - hoik in that waist ladies. while you still have it.
  • maternity tights - get them. NOW. regardless of your size. you wont look back - so so SO comfy.

it took me so long to put this post together that i've since grown and definitely need to address the maternity underwear situation soon but i am trying to postpone this till the new year. i'm not ready [and cant afford] to go up a cup size for the third time in as many months. thankfully, my recent purchases have enough stretch in them to last another few weeks.

fingers crossed.



7 December 2011

whingy wednesdays

 image via Peonies & Polaroids

this week's whingy wednesdays comes a little tardier than i'd hoped and i expect will be somewhat shorter than the posts you may have become accustomed to. i'm finding life as a pregnant woman much easier these days and i've notably calmed down somewhat. i'm even enjoying this pregnancy gig now so i'll find it tough to come up with some things to whinge about......but i'm not totally devoid of complaint......

*bladder* yes. i am still getting up for far more pees than i care to think about and my uterus is most definitely NOT sitting on my bladder anymore. i've come to the [pretty obvious] conclusion that i just have a pathetic bladder.

*baby movements* really my only complaint here is that scrobble doesn't move as much as i'd like. feeling your baby wriggling around inside of you is [a weird but..] lovely feeling. it reminds you it's there. and sometimes you do forget [until you try to bend down to polish the tv stand and realise that there's a good reason pregnant women aren't very flexible. bebe's movements are slowly turning into pretty defined kicks but the child is taking it's merry time and isn't particularly active. i have a feeling this child may have similar sporting capabilities and level of interest as me. ie none. why stand when you can sit? why run when you can walk??

*hair* ick. ack. ugh. my hair is vile. a rotten, bushy, knotty, dry mess. pregnancy hasn't favoured my hair in the slightest and i'm kinda looking forward to that baldness some new moms experience. really.

*hairiness* in case you were wondering, my stomach is still worryingly hairy. i'm DEFINITELY looking forward to any baldness in this vicinity.

*boobs* i have one question. when will they stop? i'm hiding a rack that nigella lawson would be proud of underneath these grotty, ill-fitting tshirts. still, this is barely a complaint.

1 December 2011

how soon is too soon?

we've been lucky enough to inherit a few pieces of baby ephemera from very generous friends and family - with plenty more where that came from to come!

mostly we've been accumulating practical items that are more pregnancy related, leaving the more exciting baby stuff for a little later on in the pregnancy. but during the last 19 weeks i've seen many beautiful temptations that we've resisted for fear it's 'too early' to buy.

i understand why people wait to buy things for their baby and i too felt it was pertinent to wait at least a little while before we made any purchases. and after 17 weeks of waiting i decided that it was time.

we didn't go crazy, just a couple of babygrows, but as soon as we brought those tiny little clothes home i realised that by waiting so long to make any purchases i'd actually been denying myself the opportunity to embrace the future. i found it entirely cathartic to see the tiny little clothes hanging from my bedroom door. it was a brief glimpse into our future and it actually really helped me put some of the anxieties i was feeling about impending parenthood to bed.

i'm beginning to feel like a mum. assessing each item, feeling just how soft that cotton will feel against scrobble's skin. i see these tiny little clothes and realise that one day, the little baby inside me will join us out here in the real world. he/she will sit inside those clothes, like he/she is sitting inside of this huge outfit - that is my belly - right now.

i'm going to make damn sure that scrobble is comfy as can be in both outfits.

painfully cute babygrows from h&m. sadly not available online.

30 November 2011

whingy wednesdays

today’s whingy wednesday falls exactly 25 days before christmas which means i’m not feeling particularly whingy. i’m so totally up for christmas this year* [and every year for that matter]. i’ve been waiting a long-ass time for it to come and now it’s practically here i’m pumped. proper mega pumped. but I have managed to strain a few complaints out of me to fulfil this week’s whingy wednesday.

*sleeping* - is pretty much a thing of the past. toss, turn and get up to pee is about the sum of my sleep routine these days. needless to say, i’m tired, but I do seem to be getting used to it. and thank god for the preparation. lord knows I’ll need it.

*hair* - my hairy belly is continuing to plague me. as my husband keeps saying, ‘it’s almost as big and as hairy’ as his. it’s very glamourous Ii tell you.

*spelling* - it isnt pregnancy related but the world’s inability to know the difference between the spelling of stationery [pens, paper etc] and stationary [motionless] really fucks me off. it’s simple so just learn it already. especially the people that create stationery for a god damn living!

*family dramas* - generally I can do without family dramas. but this is especially the case when I’m pregnant and I have the weight of the responsibilty of becoming the kind of parent I want to be on my shoulders. i havent got the time or inclination to deal with other people’s shit [and it is shit]. i have got plenty on myself, a hell of a lot to organise and a new family of my own to consider. eff off and sort yourself out. leave me the hell out of it.

*emotions* - boy oh boy when the pregnancy emotions come, THEY COME. I’ve gotten away with only one or two episodes so far but I’m sure when my boy came home from work the other day he thought someone had died**.

*pinterest* - i love this site. i adore it and think it’s one of the best new creative resources out there right now. but at the same time, it’s gash. it’s full of bugs. riddled. and with a software tester as a husband these things annoy me [and him] perhaps more than most people. but when people link to an image on the main page of a site instead of the page it sits on it really pees me off. how hard is it to do properly, really?

*i am a christmas enthusiast but this year especially so as it’s been some time [may 2011] since i had a break and i am hella in need of a break now that bebe has been residing inside me for five exhausting [and enthralling] months.
**they hadn’t.

24 November 2011

i'm the illist

image sourced from but the kitchen sink via pinterest

i am ill. again. 

just sayin.

i seem to be a germ magnet right now, they are fatally attracted to me and my pharmacist thought it nice to tell me i cant even suck on a strepsil while preggers. i'm back in work today spreading my lurgy right back at the people who gave them to me in the first place. let me tell you, cold remedies are HIGHLY underrated. pregnancy will teach you this.

also, my doctor deems it necessary to send my for a diabetes blood test, even though my 'sample' came up clear. i cannot [literally] wait for the fasting i need to do to prepare for this. i may very well die. don't they know pregnant woman cant go for longer than around 60 minutes without ingesting some [more] food.


in other, and more enjoyable news, i was informed that it is exactly one month to christmas eve, TODAY. now that IS exciting. bring it*.

*as soon as humanly possible please. thanks. :)


22 November 2011

Whingy wednesdays

 photo of squeasel enjoying another empty box, by moi.

*illness* i'm ill. again. the second time in less than 4 weeks and i cant get into the doctors. i mean, of what benefit to me [medically] is being pregnant if it doesn't win me a quick appointment at the docs. and then, when i do finally get in, they make me sit in a room full of cretinous ill people just so i can get ill. again. i cant take jack to make me feel better and a decent night's sleep is a thing of the past. what's a girl to do ay? and then to top it off, i end up spending my entire sick-day working. meh.

*hiding uterus* i'm being surprised by my utereus's ability to completely disappear. one minute there is an obvious rotund, hard mass living in my belly. the next, it's gone. i have no idea where the little child vanishes too. at least he/she always comes back. :))

*blogger schedule* quite simply. it doesn't work for me. i don't know why. i don't know what i'm doing wrong. it just wont comply. dammit.

19 November 2011

when the husband goes away..

image courtesy of my maternity style inspiration thedaybook*

my boy has jaunted off to the big smoke for the weekend to catch up with some buddies before scrobble arrives [and renders him chained to the house for the rest of his life].

i had grand plans for my time alone; craftng, movie watching, clothes-that-fit shopping. i even planned a nice little take-away for myself. turns out my day hasn't quite gone to plan...

i've crafted [a little], watched a dull rom-not-even-slightly-funny-com, haven't made any tracks to go clothes shopping and haven't even considered getting in the car to go pick up a measley take-away for one.

i've got myself in a total tizz and have even had a few moments where i've been close to tears because i cant decide what to do about my tea. i'm not hungry [yet], i have heartburn [still], there's no food in the house and i cannot be fugged to go and get anything. at this point i'm literally considering cheese on toast when the hungry moment comes. and to top off my massive fail of a day, the cats have been winding me up summat rotten screaming for food [rather glutonously] hours before they are due to have their tea. to say i'm wound up is probably an understatement but i cant figure out where i went wrong today. it started off so well. and ended up so... well.meh.

my hormones appear to be playing merryhell with my mood today and, although i function just fine when my husband goes away, really all i want today is for him to come home, hug me and cook me a bloody good scrummy tea**.
in other news; scrobble seems to be progressing very well, my belly is rapidly developing and the far and few between movements appear to be becoming more regular and recognisable. although it is still pretty subtle and not something i'm able to share with scrobble's papa just yet.

i'll be 20 weeks pregnant in two weeks and this will mark a real pregnancy milestone. the half way point. more on that in two weeks though!

*whom i would like to congratulate on the recent arrive of their gorgeous bubba, everett stone. adorable. sydney, your blog just got a whole lot more interesting!!
**just like he always does. lucky me :)


16 November 2011

whingy wednesdays

image courtesy of the awesome sharon montrose. a lady whose artwork will definitely be adorning our bebe's nursery walls.

it’s already been a whole week since the first installment of whingy wednesdays and I’m back with another instalment of. believe it or not i’ve managed to find another 6 things to whinge about in that time….

*maternity clothes* – i’ve reached that awkward stage where i appear neither fat nor pregnant*. my clothes don't fit, or look just plain weird, and maternity clothes are a massively-large-tent-like-oversized-mess. i'm scraping by with the dregs of my wardrobe and i'm def NOT working it. i'm looking forward to having something to put in those enormous maternity pants so i at least I have something to bloody wear…

*back ache* – or more specifically arse ache. my coccyx still hurts most days and the evil chairs-of-torture at work aren't helping. i'm a bum-ache away from a piles pillow. pregnancy is glam don't you think?

*heartburn* - this appears to be rearing its ugly head more and more. i've not had to resort to medication yet but as scrobble continues to ram my innards upwards i anticipate it becoming more of an issue...gaviscon at the ready.

*pregnancy exercise* – or lack thereof - i'm disgruntled by the amount of exercise classes available in my local area. there's a plethora of types if exercises i 'could' do, if any were available to suit a working woman. but no, aquanatal is conveniently at 11am on a tuesday, there aren't enough pregnant woman wanting to do pilates for there to be a class in the area and pregnancy yoga starts at 7.45pm in a completely different city. it's just no good at all. that leaves me with swimming on my tod, in a contraption called maternity swimwear. alternatively I could continue to do naff-all (the most likely scenario truth be told).

*falling down the stairs* - this i do not recommend to pregnant women. no matter how tempting, don't go chasing after your cat down the stairs on your arse like i did yesterday. it's not recommended for pregnant women and it's hugely disconcerting. an event like this reminds you very quickly how precious the little thing growing inside you is and how important your job as vessel and protector is. luckily everything seems to be ok with scrobble still (i maintain this baby is made of sterner stuff than me).

*pregnancy pillows* - wtf? is all i can say about my sheep-like-penis-shaped cushion. it doesn't appear to be doing anything but i can't seem to sleep without it. we've bonded.

*my boy continues to disagree with me here. i’m in denial about the size of my stomach. apparently. but if that’s the case, then why aren’t the general public being overly ‘britishly’ polite to me and getting out of my damn way?

12 November 2011


photo of a gloomy but beautiful autumn day by moi.

i'm going to be a mom. :))

just sayin...

but really, i've had moments where this realisation have scared me whitless (and there's no doubt that this is one big-ass scary thought) but at reaching 17 weeks and after beginning to feel scrobble wriggle around - albeit not very often - i'm starting to feel ready for this commitment and damn sure that i want to be the best mommy i can be to scrobs.

we've now seen, felt and heard evidence of our growing baby and slowly the pieces are coming together and i'm beginning to feel ready for the challenge, and that i may even do an ok job of it.

i'm still not showing too much and my belly has turned into a floppy hot water bottle-like affair, but this baby is in there somewhere and he/she will be joining us in around 161 days.

bring it.


10 November 2011

whingy wednesdays

image by moi

i'm starting a new weekly feature.

as if my moaning wasn't regular enough, i'll now be letting rip and airing all my pregnancy (and more) gripes every wednesday. and i'll try to contain it all to just one day a week, for your sake.

starting with these:

sleep - yes i'm still banging on about this one... i'm still peeing like an incontinent old lady during the night. but in addition to this, i'm finding my evermore present uterus and breasts seem to grow insanely at night and it's quite distracting, not to mention uncomfortable.

aches and pains - i don't know where our baby is sitting inside me, but wherever it is, or whatever it has shifted out the way to create space for itself, has made my backside hurt. quite literally, my arse hurts constantly. my tailbone's been assaulted and i'm not sure by what exactly.

bump - or rather, other peoples predictions about how fat I will/wont get. one minute i'm the 'lucky skinny girl who won't look pregnant from behind'. next minute i'm the 'ooh, you're going to get a such a big belly' girl. i'm going to look huge no matter what, i have a child inside my child-like torso. of course i'm going to look 'big' but fuck off telling ne about it. gah.

nipples - i can tell already that these are going to increase in size along with my tits. i might manage to cope with this, providing they don't get hairy too. please god. please.

movements - at nearly 17 weeks pregnant i still can't feel definite baby movements which is a little disappointing/disconcerting. i know the little terror is wriggling around, and i have 'felt' things, though distinguishing between baby and wind is still proving too tricky.

the general public - i know that the general public don't know that i'm pregnant but i do wish the inconsiderate fuckers would get out my way. seriously, just MOVE. i always knew that the gen pop are an ignorant bunch but there's nothing like the cold hard, slap you in the face, reality of pregnancy hormones to wake you up to this fact. people are total arse holes. especially in shopping malls.


i'd love to hear from other pregnant ladies - did you find yourself insanely irritable during pregnancy? and what got your goat the most?

29 October 2011


It's nothing to brag about, and it certainly isn't definitive, but the results of our Down's syndrome screening test were high enough to bring a tear of joy to this expectant mother's eyes.

We love you scrobble. Any which way you come. xoxo


28 October 2011

Rob Ryan

just as the week begins to slip away from us and slide into another weekend, i finally manage to get my post about last the other weekend ready. highlighting just how long i take to do anything, as well as how stupendously fast the weeks are flying by right now.

mb and i have vowed to squeeze in as many little trips out as we can before* scrobble arrives. so after hearing last the other weekend from my well informed sister that one of my favourite artists, rob ryan, was doing a book signing at the yorkshire sculpture park we i headed out for the day.

once we'd discovered that mr ryan was there to sign his new book a sky full of kindness, a story about two birds about to embark on the adventure of becoming first time parents, we absolutely knew that this would be our first ever gift to scrobble. rob ryan's work was a direct influence in the design of our wedding invites so we knew that, along with the perfect storyline, gorgeous artwork and sweet poetry that this would be the ideal birthday present for our bebe.

we made a jolly good day of it too, stopping off for lunch before queuing for hours to meet the man himself. and i must say, he really was as sweet as his artwork.

we then proceeded to meet up with my sister and her boy and mooched around the rest of the sculpture park, which is one helluva lovely place, and enjoyed the early autumn evening.

we cant wait to give scrobble his/her first ever birthday present.

*and after..


the things they dont tell you about pregnancy - part one, week 1-15*

image credit everyeskimo

below is a list of some of the things my friends, peers, family, medical professionals and online resources did NOT tell me about the first 15 weeks of pregnancy. i thought it was about time we ladies had a realistic, real-time account of what pregnancy is actually like.....here goes....

1. you will not know the true meaning of the word tired until you're pregnant. you won't be able to express properly to anyone just how tired you are and more than this, few people will care/understand. you'll feel like your body and brain has been abducted, governed by something else. possessed maybe. and thus ghoul wants you to SLEEP and sleep only.

2. your female peers will lose interest in your pregnancy quickly. about the time you begin to feel shit, probably. sympathy will be hard to come by from anyone, much less women. and don't expect for a second that your boss will care, or be happy to let you go home at 2pm to go and sleep for another 12 hours. the less obvious your side effects, the less people will care to notice that you're a defunct shell of a human being.

3. your breasts will become demonised, they'll hurt like hell and will grow FAST. but this is one side effect that you'll probably love it - you're partner certainly will. don't expect to fit in any one bra for long. they'll change shape, and form a conical like shape, very quickly. this area will be the most pregnant area of your body for some time.

4. you'll turn into a food monster. eating [and sleeping] will dominate your day and if you miss a meal or snack on the wrong thing, you'll feel close to death in seconds. eating will keep you alive, it will see you through your exhaustion and sickness. make it a priority and eat carb and protein rich foods. fuck diets of any kind. cheese, potatoes, beans all got me through the first 10 weeks. keep snacks and drinks in your handbag at all times. you cannot underestimate how important this knowledge is.

5. you'll feel an amazing sense of achievement when you get to 12 weeks and will relax (a little), almost immediately.

6. your first scan is fast. really fast. you're lucky if you get 5 minutes with your on-screen baby. enjoy it. it's amazing and you will love your baby immediately. don't expect that you will cry when you see your baby on screen - you might do but i was too excited/fascinated to cry, let alone have the time to! you'll be excited before the appointment and your partner will be anxious. you will swap roles afterwards.

7. do NOT drink 2 pints of water before your scan. you will burst and you WILL, without a doubt, get told to empty it anyway. drink normally before the appointment and have a wee around 45 mins before. that is more than enough for a pregnant woman as your bladder has been rendered defunct, and you can't look at a glass of water without peeing.

8. your boobs will stop hurting as fast as they started and they'll stop and start probably for the rest of your pregnancy. your body will change almost daily, you'll worry at first that this means something is wrong. it isn't and you'll get used to it. remember that your body is being held hostage and is not working how it used to. second guessing is hopeless.

9. morning sickness comes in many guises and if you're lucky, like me, you won't suffer too badly. BUT it won't happen to you just in the morning and you won't just be sick. but if you suffer, you'll suffer. to widely varying degrees. and i'm afraid to say you'll be expected to just get on with it.

10. giving up alcohol is easier than you'd think but surprisingly you won't necessarily want to.

11. giving up/reducing caffeine is harder than you'd think and you definitely won't want to.

12. the pregnancy glow thing is a fallacy. least it has been for me up till now. expect bad skin, bad hair and bad nails for months.

13. you'll think of nothing else but your baby/pregnancy for possibly, forever. as scary as it can seem, you'll be parenting from day one.

14. for the first trimester all you'll think about is getting that lovely bump. then, when it springs itself upon you, you'll instantly worry you look/feel fat. you don't.

15. your moods will be dangerously changeable. you'll feel invisible and are likely to speak your mind to dangerous degrees. you may find your patience with strangers is tested and that you experience a heightened sense of road rage. people should stay clear of an angry pregnant woman. she's likely to get violent.

16. your pre-pregnancy labour fears will fizzle away to nothing as soon as you find out you're expecting. that or nature cleverly tucks then away in the depths of your mind. after all, you have so many other things to think about now. like being a mommy!

17. hair. you'll get it in strange places, lots of it and it grows fast. sad. but true.

18. despite the incredible effort it takes being pregnant, you'll love it [most of the time]. and will feel love & the strong desire to protect your baby from day one.

19. you're not alone. your husband/partner is likely to really step up to the plate and will take great care of you and your little baby. you're friends, especially the ones who have had babies before, will be a stella support and cannot be underestimated.

20. your parents and in laws will become fascinated with how you are and what you're doing and may possibly hound you daily for updates. it can get a bit much when all you want to do is hide under your duvet all day. try to embrace it though. you'll need them.

*these are just some of the things i have experienced in my pregnancy so far. your experiences may be very different to mine but one that we can all probably agree on is how unbelievably, earth-shatteringly exhausting this gig is. i'd love to hear all about other ladies experiences though... how is it going for you??


22 October 2011

day 88 - going back in time

a few weeks back you'll have heard me complaining about having 3 weeks stolen from my pregnancy. to say i was disgruntled is probably an understatement. i'd felt such a sense of achievement by getting to 12 weeks that to be dragged back in time to 10 weeks felt disappointing. 

suddenly i felt vulnerable. and from the moment i stepped out of the sonographer's room, i worried for our tiny little child. the level of attachment i felt to this tiny little being after the scan surprised me, and from that moment i couldn't take my mind off the safety of our little baby.

our first scan was an odd experience for me. i'd had such high hopes of coming away uplifted and excited but instead i came away disappointed and scared*. thankfully after around a week i'd managed to get a grip on my emotions and perhaps managed to exert some patience and managed to start relaxing.

and finally, two weeks later, it was time to do it all over again. and i have to say this time, was far more successful....it's quite incredible how much this little creature has grown and developed in two weeks...

scrobble at 10 weeks + 2 days
scrobble at 12 weeks + 5 days

this time we fell super lucky and got ourselves a very gentle and placid, australian male sonographer. he was kind and soft, calm and he took his time to explore our minute child. all the while explaining to us what everything was. hands, feet, brain**, heart, spine. everything right there in front of us to see. it was truly magical and completely uplifting.

he even gave me back three days of my pregnancy, for which i'm grateful. and for the extra trouble he went to to give us extra photos, we're forever indebted to him. i truly hope we get to meet him again. i could have laid there all day watching our little person wriggle around.

our baby is due on the 22nd april 2012.

scrobble's close up
scrobble's amazingly tiny arm & hand

and since these incredible photos were taken, i've fallen very quickly into my 14th week of pregnancy and my second trimester. things are looking up, i'm feeling good and slowly but surely, a little rotund belly is appearing.

at 2.9 inches this baby is finally making itself known.

*that's not to say i didn't also feel relief. that little flickering heart was a sight to behold.
** would you just look at that brain! seeing that brain was a true revelation for me. i'm so amazed by this little person and everything he/she has achieved so far, and with a brain like that, this baby will go far!! :)


2 October 2011


this little darling is our tiny little scrobble at 10+2 weeks. NOT the 13 weeks i had been previously told i was. so, it is with some reluctance that i head back in time with my little one [i really felt a sense of accomplishment upon reaching 12 weeks], but with a huge sense of relief that the little one is doing well. growing as expected. heart beating like the clappers. and dancing around deep inside of me like a gud 'un. this baby can throw some shapes already!

this tiny little creature is our child. and i'm completely in love with him/her already.

in addition to this good news, we get to go back in two weeks and do it all over again so the little one can be given a due date. i estimate it will be a late april date but i predict a may baby. which makes me smile. we like may in this house. my boy's birthday is in may and we also get married in the same month so it's a happy time for us so a may baby would be welcomed in this house. obviously, we dont really care when bebe decides to come, so long as he/she comes along safe and sound and happy.

i hope to be having this conversation again in two weeks, with another picture. this shit is addictive. i cannot stop looking at that picture of the little peanut.

most of all, i'm surprised by how much this very quick scan [the sonographer didn't want us to hang around after putting me at 10 weeks], i love this tiny little being already.

we are ready for this shit.

ready. and excited.

i'm also beginning to enjoy being pregnant. and rather oddly, i'm looking forward to becoming a bloater.

but not as much as i'm looking forward to meeting scrobble for the first time.

26 September 2011

day 88

by vika bakirova

so, we made it to 12 weeks. 12 weeks and 3 days to be precise. the day we reached 12 weeks was a good day. the first day i've felt semi human in a while and the 1st day of mb's return from oz. i was a happy lady.

then came 12 weeks and 1 day. and everything changed. i felt generally crappy again, something i'm now used to, although not entirely comfortable with. but more obscure than that, reaching 12 weeks brought with it a whole new host of worries. i'd quite easily say i'm more anxious now than i have been in the previous 5 weeks.

i've wondered what the real reason for this is.

could it be that our scan is coming up in 4 days time and i'm anxious to hear that everything is ok?
could it be that, although i definitely do not feel well, i feel considerably better and that is confusing my mind?
could it be the very recent onset of stomach aches and cramps?
or could it be the constant lower back ache i'm now adding to my list of pregnancy ailments?

either way, the combination of all of these are making me worry more than i probably need to. i just wish friday would hurry up and get here. already. so i can put my mind. at. rest.

another thing i think is a high contender are dopplers. now, before now, i've always been pretty laid back about the pregnancy affair. i'm not overly fussy and am quite happy to wait until our scans to see and hear our baby. i've heard of people using dopplers at home before and have heard how addictive they become and how they can, if you're that way inclined, make you worry more....

...my good friend donated a doppler to me the other day - i think it's safe to say i wouldn't have gone out of my way to buy one - but i was very happy to receive the donation from her. i put it away neatly and didn't give using it much thought for a little while as mb was away and i didn't want him to miss out on hearing srobble's heartbeat for the first time - i also thought it was too soon to be able to hear it. it wasn't until i saw online you can hear the heartbeat from around 12 weeks that i thought excitedly, 'let's give it a go'. i honestly, didn't expect to hear anything and i didn't really know what i was doing with it. so, it's no surprise then that we couldn't find a heartbeat. 'nothing to worry about', i told myself and mb. 'the scan is on friday, i still feel distinctively pregnant - everything is ok, i just dont know what i'm doing with this machine' [and i still dont if truth be told].

so why, now, can i not STOP thinking about this and why i am worrying myself over it? i cannot get it out of my head. and now i have to wait four torturous days to find out if everything is ok.

i honestly, wish i'd not tried the doppler before the scan. i do think, that devices like this should come with clear cut instructions on how to use. after all - it's a medical device that really, only an expert should be using. and it makes me wonder how many other women have experienced the same worry after inadequately using one of these machines?

i'd be really interested to hear other ladies thoughts on this device and how many of you would recommend them to your pregnant friends?

i'm unsure of my conclusion so far, i guess i'll have a better stance on the matter come friday but i DO think that they should not be used lightly. all manner of worry and alarm can come from it. if you have a medical condition or history that requires that level of monitoring then sure, these machines can be VERY helpful. but surely they should come with more than a paragraph or two of vague instructions. i mean, the one i used doesn't even tell you what to do if you dont find a heartbeat.

i mean, really, what DO you do?


17 September 2011

day 79

in short.....

our baby is now a fetus [yay] and is the size of a lime. apparently. though i'm not sure my stomach reflects this just yet...

my uterus will make the journey out of my pelvis and away from my bladder* in the coming days.

my jebs barely fit into any of my bras anymore, i'm going to have to invest in some more bras**. again. already. on the plus side, they're like rocks and hardly need supporting by anything other than the barrage of hormones currently holding my real breasts hostage.

i'm in my 11th week of pregnancy. already.

my husband is on the other side of the planet and scrobble and i are lonely. however, i do enjoy the updates i'm getting from my boy. especially the one about his haircut from a vietnamese lady boy in sydney train station. the things he does when i'm not around. surprisingly, it's a good result....

what a handsome boy he is. miss you mb. xoxo

*thank the lord! maybe this means my multitude of nightly trips to the loo will be reduced for a while and i will finally get some sleep. maybe.
** how hard is it to find maternity bras for ladies with a narrow back. i cannot find anything smaller than a 34 back. i need a 30 peeps!!! anyone know where i can find some???

15 September 2011

days 64 - 78

image credit

what a week or so its been. totally uneventful, but not inside my body.

the last few days have been a barrage full of baby attacks. my body is now just a shell. a defunct, broken shell. i am not functioning properly anymore. this baby inside has stolen my energy, my sleep, my generally pleasant demeanour, it has given me lots* of trips to the loo, an insatiable appetite and a free breast enlargement**.

all in all the pregnancy is going really well but boy did I underestimate how unbelievably, earth shatteringly, exhausting this gig would be. and ladies, don't expect any sympathy from your piers and certainly not from piers of the female kind. you may be lucky to find a friend or two who have experienced*** this and completely understand, the rest, either have no clue or don't give a shit.

stick with those understanding buddies. when its 4pm, you're about to faint from hunger, you're stomach muscles have given up the ghost and the 12 hours sleep you're trying to get nightly are proving to be not enough, she's the only one who will understand what a limp lifeless person you've become. you will need this friend.

pregnancy with or without (to my surprise****) morning sickness is HARD WORK. don't let anybody make you feel bad for that. you're doing something amazing. fuck all the haters, there's loads of those bitches about and they'll get a big ole slap accross the chops when it happens to them. shame on them.

my mood, certainly, is starting to suffer as is my sleep but when all is said and done i am thrilled to be carrying this baby and tomorrow marks day 1 of our 11th week together. it also marks the first day we'll be home all alone. my boy has had to travel to australia and has left us to fend for ourselves for a whole week. i miss him terribly already - this gaff aint the same without him here. sending big love out to my boy and to all the ladies out there struggling through the first few weeks of their pregnancy. i am sending big sympathy and empathy. it is tough work sisters. but HELLA worth it.

two more weeks till we get to meet scrobble for the first time.


*i mean seriously, is it normal to pee up to 5 times in the night?
** boy oh boy. what will happen to these puppies when the milk arrives. i'm scared but anxiously excited 
to see what happens there.
*** i'm lucky enough to have one of these [gemgem] and she totally rocks.
*** *another surprising side effect - anger. pure, unadulterated angst. especially towards twatty women who cant drive.

6 September 2011

day 69

69 dude.

31 August 2011

my darling,
my sweetheart. 
i am in your sway
Rise to Me. The Decemberists


day 58 - 63

image from here via here

the last few days have been spent travelling about to share our news with our immediate family. and sleeping. lots of sleeping. and peeing. lots and lots of peeing.

we broke the news to our parents over the weekend and they were, to our surprise, not expecting the news. and to our enjoyment they were THRILLED. obviously.

still, it's nice to see them all so excited. especially as scrobble is by no means the first grandchild*.

we also met le castor. or i should say, her half squat counterpart, geraldine. she was nice. old school, but in the best way. i think. she seemed very chilled and was thrilled with our family health history and gave me top marks for having "the blood pressure of a child". this is great news for scrobble, but for me it means lots of dizziness and head-rushes. and if i push myself too hard, fainting too. i dont intend to push hard. at least, not for another 9 months.

she also informed me that as my bmi is 19, i'm classed in the nhs as 'starved**' so i get to have additional growth scans. this is excellent news. instead of the standard 2 scans, we get to see scrobble wriggling around inside me at least 4 times!! yippee.

i'm feeling relatively well still, and even managed to stay up till 10pm last night! though multiple night-time wees are still disrupting my beauty sleep, as are mental dreams! figure that wont go away anytime soon so i'd best put up and shut up.

i now have to wait an astonishing 4 weeks to get to our 12 week scan. how is it possible that they're going to make the most impatient woman in the uk wait that long. not that there is a fat lot they can do about that but boy the wait will prove hard for me. especially as mb is being shipped off to australia again for a week*** soon. how can i entertain myself?

all in all i'm well excited. i really cannot wait for that first scan to make sure scrobble is ok and dancing about as he/she should be. and so we can announce the news to all and sundry!

good times.

*scrobble with be the 4th grandchild on mb's side. the FIRST on mine! :)
**there is no way on this god given earth that anybody that i know would describe me as starved
***who in their right mind would do this to themselves?

26 August 2011

day 57

image by moi

finding out i am pregnant was not like i thought it would be. 

for one, it took a shit ton longer than i'd hoped to get pregnant. i now know, that it wasn't really that long at all [around 11 months] and it probably would have happened a load quicker if i could have gotten my shit together and calculated my dates out properly.

i began this journey an obsessive 'i want to get pregnant and have a baby before i'm 30' freak. my husband would probably say i'm still pretty close to that description but i have relaxed. considerably so. honest. i obsessed over dates and wrote everything down. i was convinced i was so in tune with my body that i knew when i was ovulating. i didn't.

i didn't even consult an ovulation test till we we're a good 6 to 8 months into this ride. i was undoubtable naive about the whole thing.

still, nearly a year after we embarked on this crazy idea, here it is. finally. pregnant. no bugger knows and i haven't even spoke to a midwife yet [hurry up and just call me already would you!!!]. patience is a virtue. but it isn't one i possess. sadly. so this journey will most definitely be an interesting one.

but when my boy brought over that bloody test stick thing on day fifty, with a glum look on his face, i was convinced my body had duped me. AGAIN. but no. not this time. this time it was mb playing games with me and i was then faced with the little LCD screen you see sitting above these words. i was stunned. silent. happy. shit scared and massively excited. mb had tears in his eyes. it was really very special. THE moment. one that will shape our lives forever, no doubt about that.

i hope any of you who are waiting for this news have it very soon. i reckon it's worth waiting for. plus mb and i got to do some crazy good stuff that i wouldn't have been able to do with-child, which i'll post about at a later date. Update - le castor called in the time it tool to write and post this as you may have seen on the previous post.

25 August 2011

le castor

image from here

i have been waiting, with baited breath, for the midwife to call me to set up our first meet. today she called. we set a date. and i got very excited. not least by the fact that my midwife is called susan beaver. yes. beaver. so, she'll now be referred to throughout the remainder of this pregnancy, as le castor*.

i cant wait to meet this lady. i guess i'll be seeing a lot of her for foreseeable future. i do hope we get on.

anybody have any idea what i can expect from this first appointment?

*french for beaver. innit.

day 56

i must confess, currently i feel like a fraud. only a select few know that i'm pregnant. that is, until the weekend comes and mb and i announce our news to our parents.

they are going to freak. in the best way possible.

but there is something about the combination of no-one knowing and the distinct lack of feeling pregnant that leaves me feeling like a fraud.

i'm quite sure this wont last long and i'll be slapped in the face by the cold, harsh reality of being pregnant before i know it. but until then. i'm a fraudster.

having said that, the inability to eat pretty much everything i like [goodbye dippy eggs - how i will miss you], and the fact that i've had to give up my beloved coffee [and beer] have had some impact on how i'm feeling. so i guess the reality is settling in.

there wont be a saturday morning like the one below for me for some time to come. the sacrifices we make ay? tish..

image from here via here

24 August 2011

day 55

image credit pinterest via here

so far, early pregnancy has proved relatively straightforward. i'm blessed in that, at nearly 8 weeks pregnant, i have no morning sickness. something i am truly grateful for as i'm not one to deal with sickness well in any shape or form. long may it continue.

i am, however, totally knackered. all. the. time. i could literally take a nap every couple of hours and focusing at work is proving difficult. i am at home and in my pyjamas by 6pm each night. not all bad i guess.

i'm also, like most pregnant women, enjoying increasingly large bubs. they're changing, and growing, by the day. they are quite quickly, beginning to not feel like my breasts anymore. not that this is a bad thing. i have, however, in the matter of a couple of weeks, grown out of my bras and have had to relegate any bras with any semblance of underwire to the back of the bra drawer [in the hope that i may get back into them one day]. just as i was about to start enjoying my smaller bubs, along comes scrobble*, and renders all my new bras useless. i am now finding that some support at night is needed and have taken to wearing these in bed. granted they may not be the sexiest item of bedtime clothing [and i'll sure be on the lookout for something a bit more youthful as my breast continue to expand] but it really helps reduce the level of discomfort felt during the day.

*the poor child already has a nickname

day 54.

welcome to the world. little one. keep safe and strong.
you're only tiny right now but we love you already.
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